


Facing the Future

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Conversations, Episode Related, M/M, episode 189 spoilers, halfway between melancholy and soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27741802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 189!!!A conversation is had, and a conversation is avoided.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King (background), Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 20
Kudos: 165





	Facing the Future

Jon took a deep breath, leaning his head back against the wall as the tunnels spun around him. Martin had helped him sit down a few minutes ago, when his legs had nearly given out on him; much as he hated to admit it, Melanie did have a valid point about his tendency to collapse at unexpected moments.

They were on the other side of the room, now, all three of them, talking in low voices and occasionally glancing over at Jon. The smile still hadn't left Martin's face; it was nice to see him like this, happy and excited over the reunion with their friends.

Melanie said something, and he laughed, looking across at Jon. Jon smiled back, and Martin's eyes crinkled with warm fondness for a moment before Georgie smacked him on the arm to get his attention back. She had one eyebrow raised in a teasing look that Jon knew well; Martin blushed, then raised his own eyebrows at Georgie and Melanie's joined hands as he said something in reply.

Melanie stuck her tongue out at him, leaning her head on Georgie's shoulder, and Jon huffed a laugh as he realized they were trading relationship gossip. He hoped he'd have a chance to join in, later, once he could stand without falling over.

Another person entered from one of the tunnels that branched off the room, carrying a sheaf of papers that they presented to Georgie with a reverent look. Jon instinctively reached for more information about them - their name, their story, which domain they'd been trapped in - and came up blank. The resounding emptiness where there ought to have been a flood of knowledge sent his head spinning again, and he closed his eyes as Georgie took the papers and started reading them aloud for Melanie.

He couldn't believe they had a cult. It was just... too weird. And that was coming from the man who had ended the world by reading a letter from his boss.

They seemed to be handling it well, though. They were keeping their... cultists... safe and protected in the tunnels, free from the Entities and the horrors of the domains they had been trapped in. They weren't letting the whole thing get to their heads, either, well aware of the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

And what a situation it was. They had  _ saved  _ people. They had done the impossible, beaten the Eye and the Fears it oversaw, pulled them out of their nightmares and set them free to live in the tunnels. That was... big. Jon didn't know what that meant for his and Martin's quest to end the apocalypse, but it certainly changed the hopeless paradigm that they had been operating under so far.

A heavy weight dropped into his lap, and his eyes snapped open with a gasp as he was pulled from the depths of his own thoughts.

"Wh- what-"

"Look who I found?" someone said, and Jon's eyes snapped up to find Martin hovering over him with a patient expression that hinted that this wasn't the first time he'd tried to catch Jon's attention.

Jon looked back at his lap, to the purring ball of orange fur that had quickly made a home there when Martin had dropped him.

"Oh. Hey, Admiral. Good to see you," Jon said, and the cat headbutted him in the stomach until he gave in and started to pet him.

Martin slid down the wall next to him to join him on the floor. "He came over to say hi just as Georgie and Melanie were leaving, they said you'd appreciate knowing he was okay."

"I do indeed," Jon said, running his thumb over the Admiral's ear until he closed his eyes and leaned into it. "Hello there," he said warmly. "Yes, you're cute, I've missed you too." The rest of what Martin had said finally sank in. "Wait, where have Georgie and Melanie gone?"

"One of their followers needs them to check out a tunnel entrance closer to the edge of the city, apparently the door's a bit fragile and they're worried something's going to get through," he said, eyes drifting between Jon and the cat with a soft smile. "They'll be back soon, they just need to make sure it's safe."

Jon nodded, looking to see what tunnel they'd taken- and let out a breath as another wave of dizziness swept through him.

Martin was watching him intently. "How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"I'm, um..." Jon began, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. "Okay, I think. It's not as bad as it was at, uh..." he snapped his fingers, searching for the name.

"Upton House," Martin offered.

"Yes, right," Jon said. "I'm not as completely cut off from the Eye as I was there, the tunnels are- aren't enough to do that, but it's a bit of a double-edged sword. I can still  _ feel  _ it, a little bit, so I keep reaching for it, and when it's not there it just- it sends my head spinning."

Martin nodded thoughtfully. "Like a really bad headrush?"

"Sort of," Jon said. "The dizziness aspect of it, at least."

He leaned to the left a little, and Martin took the hint, lifting an arm to wrap around Jon's shoulders and draw him securely into his side. Jon settled in with a pleased huff, resting his head on Martin's shoulder.

Martin reached his free hand out, digging his fingers into the thick ruff of fur around the Admiral's neck. The constant buzz of his purr kicked up a notch.

"Hey, Jon?" he said softly, after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about earlier."

Jon made a confused noise. "What do you mean?"

Martin shrugged minutely, an embarrassed gesture that jostled Jon a little. "For losing my cool. I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that, I was just..." He sighed. "We were just  _ so close, _ it felt like, and I'd psyched myself up for it, and-" His arm tightened around Jon's shoulders. "I wasn't sure if I could do that again if we didn't do it then, you know? And, and obviously it's different now that we've found Georgie and Melanie, that changes things, but I just- it felt like we'd been stymied at the last hurdle, and I  _ hate  _ feeling helpless."

Jon nodded. He understood: Martin always felt better when he had a plan of action. Jon admired his determination and ability to see something through once he'd started, but it did leave him at a bit of a loose end when there was no simple way to push through and continue on the path he was on. He absolutely hated feeling like the decision for how to proceed was outside his control.

Which, well, didn't really help with how often the way forward rested on  _ Jon's  _ choices...

"Jon?" Martin was shaking his shoulder.

"What?"  _ Oh. _ He'd spaced out again, lost in his own head. "I, um." He shook himself, trying to remember what Martin had been saying that had prompted his thoughts to spiral. "It's okay, Martin. You don't have to apologize, we're in a...  _ very  _ stressful situation right now, we're both tense. Lashing out is... to be expected, really. I've done it enough myself."

Martin snorted softly. "Yeah, and you always feel bad about it afterwards."

"True," Jon conceded. "But you shouldn't, it was... justified. I shouldn't have turned away like that without warning, anyway, I just got..."

He paused, searching for the right word.  _ Nervous  _ didn't even begin to cover the dread he had felt when he realized there was no way he could win this fight, if it all came down to the Eye's choice. No matter how much Melanie joked about him being a 'special little boy,' he held no illusions about who served the Ceaseless Watcher better, in the end. If he confronted Jonah head-on, he would lose.

In that moment, with the truth staring him in the face, he had been unable to continue. The  _ certainty  _ of it, that he would die, that he'd be leaving the world to its suffering and leaving  _ Martin  _ grieving and defenseless, and maybe it was selfish but he was also scared of how much it would hurt  _ him, _ to have all his power turned back on him, seeing him from the inside out and consuming everything he was or ever had been-

"Jon?" Martin sounded concerned. "Are you with me?"

Jon blinked. "What? Oh, right, sorry..."

"You were telling me why you turned away from the tower," Martin prompted gently.

"Yes," Jon said, "I don't want to die."

Martin's face fell. "Please don't say that."

"Say what?"

_ "That," _ Martin repeated. "I can't think about you dy-" He took a sharp breath, cutting himself off. "I just can't."

"I'm sorry," Jon said. "But-"

"Please. Don't."

Jon looked at him for a moment, taking in the stubborn set of his jaw and the angry flare of his nostrils.

"Martin," he said, as comfortingly as he could. "We're going to have to think about it at some point." No matter how scared Jon was of it, he knew death was in his near future: in the unlikely event he did survive fixing the world, he would not live long disconnected from the Eye.

"I  _ have  _ thought about it, okay?" Martin said, and his voice wavered for a moment before he was able to bring it in line. "I'm not in denial. I  _ know  _ how likely it is that one or both of us won't make it out of this alive, but I can't- I can't  _ dwell  _ on it, yeah? If I do, I just get-  _ paralyzed  _ by fear and- and preemptive grief, and I  _ can't  _ afford that right now. I don't have the luxury of time to sit around feeling sorry for myself."

Jon looked away. He couldn't face the pain in Martin's eyes.

"I'd rather talk about it now, and have an honest chance to say goodbye," he said softly. He couldn't bear the thought of dying without giving Martin a proper farewell.

"It doesn't have to be today," Martin said, too quick to be a comfort. "We need a new plan anyway, right? No doors into the Panopticon now."

Jon considered pushing the subject further, forcing the conversation that they  _ would  _ have to have eventually, but he decided against it. It wouldn't come out right, not with Martin already upset and Jon still dreading the future. There would be time, when they were both calm, and ready to face what lay ahead without hesitation.

There would be time.

"Okay," he said, and leaned in to kiss Martin's cheek, just once, a silent surrender. "Speaking of new plans, shall we go find Georgie and Melanie? They'll want to be a part of this."

Martin squeezed his shoulder in a grateful acknowledgement of the change in topic. "If you're up for it?"

"I think so," Jon said, shaking off Martin's arm and sitting up straight. The Admiral let out a protesting  _ mrp  _ from his lap, but the room stayed steady around him. "So long as I don't try to Know anything, I should be okay."

"Alright." Martin pushed himself to his feet, them turned back and held his hands out to Jon. "I can either carry the cat or catch you if you collapse, your choice."

"Cat," Jon said decisively. "I can catch myself on a wall and I don't want to drop him when I do."

"Pass him over, then," Martin said, and Jon hooked his hands under the Admiral's front legs and lifted him into Martin's arms. He settled in immediately, accepting the change of scenery with quiet indifference.

Jon stood, bracing one hand on the wall behind him until he could be sure he wasn't going to fall again, then turned to Martin to let him know he was ready to go.

Martin had an absolutely besotted look on his face, staring down at the already-sleeping cat in his arms. Jon was pretty sure his own expression matched it as he watched them.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah," Martin said, soft and endeared. "He's just the sweetest little thing, isn't he?"

"He really is," Jon said, and placed a hand on Martin's shoulder to guide him into walking as he continued to quietly coo at the Admiral. "Come on. Let's go find our friends."


End file.
